It’s pretty crazy how almost every girl can name that one friend who got a boyfriend/girlfriend and then fell off the face of the earth. By fallen off of the face of the earth, I mean she totally fell head over heels and thus proceeded to go MIA and has since barely been seen and when there is a rare spotting, she’s surely with her significant other.
Here’s exactly how to avoid becoming that girl who got a boyfriend or girlfriend and totally changed. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, here are some bad relationship habits to look out for and exactly how to avoid them.
1. Bringing your S.O. to everything.
Girl’s night in! Oh. You brought your boyfriend? Guess it’s just…a date for you two with an audience now?
It’s great to incorporate your boyfriend into plans sometimes and you definitely want your friends to get along with the person you’re dating, but you have to know when to separate the two. If you’re all going out to celebrate your friend’s breaking up with a crappy boyfriend or if you’re having a chick flick marathon, bringing your bae along will most likely not be welcome. On the other hand, a board game night might be a great time for a tagalong. Asking if you can bring your S.O. is a good way to gauge the situation, and always remember to give a heads up if you’re bringing them along. No one likes to be ambushed by surprise guests.
2. Getting TMI with dirty details.
There’s a time and a place. There’s also a limit. Yes, we all love to talk and we all love the occasional juicy story, but please keep incredibly intimate details between you and your boyfriend. Make sure the person who the story is about is okay with you sharing it AND make sure the person you’re sharing it with wants to listen. Being friends doesn’t always mean having to know everything.
3. Always bailing on plans with friends.
The worst kind of friends are the ones who lose all of the space in their schedule once they start dating. The truth is, whether it works out or not, you’ll still have your friends (unless you ostracize them while you’re in a relationship). Your friends are your future bridesmaids if it works out or the girls who’ll help you get over him with ice cream and movies if it doesn’t. Make sure you spend time with your friends and don’t let your S.O. become your entire universe. Your girls need a place, too.
4. Becoming one amorphous being.
If all of your sentences have become “(Insert bae’s name here) says/thinks” and if your pronoun usage has almost exclusively become “we” it’s time to reevaluate. Your S.O. should not be mentioned in every conversation you have. Your world should not revolve around the person you’re dating.
Yes, it’s great to share cute date stories, little tidbits and funny moments, but most friends don’t need the entire autobiography of your man. Don’t let your conversation become a constant stream of boyfriend praise and problems. No matter what happens, you’ll always have yourself. Don’t lose yourself in a relationship and forget who you are.
5. Spilling secrets.
The bond between friends is often trumped by the bond between couples, which makes sense. Deep secrets should always be safe between girlfriends. Use your discretion when telling your S.O. things about your friends and the same goes for telling your pals about things between you and your boyfriend.
Don’t share everything with everyone and be mindful with dirty laundry. Don’t give your boyfriend your best friend’s dirty laundry and vice versa. Don’t break trust for the sake of wanting to be entirely open. If you must share something personal about someone close to you to someone else close to you, make sure it’s okay with the person. Telling something to you in confidence shouldn’t mean automatically telling it to your boyfriend as well. Avoid becoming the Gossip Girl of your inner circle.
6. Changing your own plans and dreams.
Remember how you’re not supposed to choose a college for a person? Don’t make your decisions based on your S.O. but definitely, factor them in. Example: Don’t dismiss your dreams of going to Italy for a semester because you’ll miss your boyfriend. A relationship usually takes sacrifice but never sacrifice the things most important to you.
7. Overdoing it on Social Media.
“Yes, I would love to see a picture of my friend and her boyfriend sucking face on my Insta feed!” said no one ever (I hope). While it’s always nice to Instagram a cute pic of you and your boyfriend, don’t overdo it. He shouldn’t be the subject of every Instagram nor should he be every 150 seconds of your Snapchat story.
Oversharing on social media is never a great thing and doing so can put a strain on your relationship. While I can’t lie and say I haven’t cajoled my boyfriend into taking selfies with me solely for the Instagram, it’s not an everyday activity. Moral of the story: don’t Instagram, Snapchat or Tweet every romantic moment of your relationship. Keep some things between just you two.
If you feel the need to document romantic moments or memorable things, write it down in a journal, not on Twitter. If you want to profess your love on your one month anniversary, tell him in person or over the phone, not publicly in a huge essay on Instagram.
8. Excessive PDA.
Just like how no one wants to see you groping your beau on Instagram, no one wants to see it live. Simple rule: if you wouldn’t do it in front of your grandmother, don’t do it in front of the general public. Holding hands on the way to class? Cute. Touching butts and frenching in the library? No thanks. Preserve your reputation and keep it classy when it comes to public displays of affection, sometimes it’s beneficial to use your words instead.